lot of pizza boxes

Alright. Been a bit. Fell off the wagon with weed, yet again. Climbing back on.

It’s a embarrassing to have a problem with weed. I’ve gotten hooked on worse drugs, mostly booze, so I know that having issues with weed is not on the same level as having issues with more destructive drugs. But still. It costs me time, and negatively affects my mental health. And it seems to make me gain weight; took a lot of pizza boxes out to the trash tonight. It’s an expensive habit, with money spent of weed and on food, and I’m more likely to buy a bunch of shit on Amazon when I’m high.

Overall, not great. I did some writing, and played a lot of guitar, so that’s good. But still.

This semester I teach 4 days per week, and am in the classroom for 4 hours each of those days with no break. Secondary school teachers must be insane. That shit is exhausting. Kinda wanted to cry today when I got home because I was so tired. I’m behind on so many logistical things, and the kitchen is a wreck. Instead of crying, I warmed up soup from a can and made a start on the dishes.

Sadly, I think I’ll have to cut my time on the guitar down to 30 min/day, as I’ll need the other half-hour to write at least a little every day. If this is something I think I might want to get paid for in the near future, I should be practicing it daily. I’d love to keep practicing the guitar more because I’m starting late in life and want to be good–it’s a whole lotta fun with it works–but this is the way things are. For now.

One somewhat impulsive thing I did while high was sign up for a wilderness first aid class. I’m now NOLS certified. Bought myself some supplies too. I like having some medical training. I’ll likely do some more of that. Better to have it and not need it.

Been thinking about what happens next. I have not managed to save as much as I’d hoped by now. That bender came at an unfortunate time. I should still be able to put by 6k before this job dries up, with is enough for 3 months in the apartment, or 4-5 months in the van. The problem is that I don’t have money to finish the van build. I’m thinking about buying some tools on credit (0% apr for 12 months) to be able to process scrap wood and use more of it. This includes a planer, that would let me gather any random wood and plane it down to 1/4″ planks for the interior walls.

I like this idea, and it would be cool to have those tools, but I’m hesitant to take on debt with those terms (balloon interest payments in not paid in full before the 12 months are up) when my future employment status is uncertain. I know they’ll offer me the position again (they’re understaffed and not looking for new people currently), but at what pay rate. I’m only getting about 50k/year right now, and want to walk unless they give me 60k. I certainly want to walk if they try to give me less than the 7% inflation we saw last year. I don’t think I can negotiate effectively unless I’m willing to walk. And I hate the idea of having to take what they offer me. There aren’t a lot of great options.

While high, I got really excited about the idea of finding a research assistantship somewhere. Skirt the edges of academia, but not as a teacher. And working remotely as a biostat guy. That’ll happen inside of 2 years, if not next year.