putting in the hours, pushing that boulder

Been a minute. I’ve been wiped out at the end of my days.

Paid off the last of the van build today. I’ll pay off the Gibson in a few weeks, and then my only debt will be the van itself (and like 115k in student loans).

Been doing a good job of practicing guitar. Doing a fair-to-poor job of putting work into my research paper. Blew it off today to go for a walk.

Having real trouble keeping up with everything in my life. The dishes usually don’t get done. I’m not sure where I could make cuts.

Went for my morning walk today, and lady voices were all a-buzz around me. I twitched just a bit and ended up angry when they tried to help me. Set the tone for a mildly difficult day. It’s like a miniature version of the storm I used to feel along this contour. Seems like the edges are wearing down, the flow past them less turbulent.

I got my first dose of the Covid vaccine a few weeks ago! NYS opened up appointments to public-facing state employees, and as a volunteer poll-worker, I qualified. I had been checking for appointments periodically to no avail, when one day I noticed that one had opened up in an hour at a hospital 40 minutes away. Took some hustling, but I got over there and got the jab. It was the Moderna, and as a bio nerd I was happy to get one of the mRNA vaccines, though I would have taken whatever they offered me. I’ll get the next shot in two weeks and two days.

I think I’ll probably be back in the classroom next fall. That will be kinda fun. It’ll be difficult to rejoin human society, but should be a good exercise.

I’ve been struggling a lot with how under-accomplished I feel at this point in my life. I really gotta do some work I can be proud of. I’m feeling like I should be writing more. I’d gladly drop to part-time work if I could figure out how to get healthcare. Maybe something via the ACA. Or just move to another country.

Lonely, sad, reflective times. But I’m putting in the hours, pushing that boulder up that hill.