my own internal dynamics

Yesterday was a hard day. Felt good in the morning, then listened to some Iron and Wine while at work, and fell apart. It was like being reminded of love and tenderness, and coming unraveled because of it. Came home from work and just took it easy on myself–got some food from local food spots and played Zelda.

Today I woke up feeling like it was going to be a hard day, and 6 hours of teaching actually made it better. Felt pretty good leaving work.

I cannot predict my own internal dynamics at all. At all, at all. I’m just along for the ride, apparently.

I had an interview for a Visiting Assistant Professor gig yesterday morning, and I forgot to put on my game-face before it started. I was a bit groggy, and I think my answers tended to ramble a little. I spent a lot of time preparing some technical details to my answer to a question I knew they were going to ask, and should have spent more time preparing myself emotionally for the interview. We’ll see how it goes.

No job offers for next year yet. I’ll feel better about this when I have the van paid off.

I took out a loan with a lower interest rate and used the money to pay off my credit card debt. “That is the very definition of poaching,” as is said in The Wise Man’s Fear.

I want to start writing more. I think I’d like to make my money as a writer, and that means doing it every day after work, to get better at it. I like the fact that it’s independent work, that I can do it anywhere, and that I’d get to structure my own days. Modest income from writing together with investment income from inheritance money and a low cost of living could cover me. That’s assuming I don’t have kids, which I don’t currently.

I still go back and forth on whether I should be fighting for a professorship or trying to get paid for writing.

Next week is Spring Break, and I plan to work on the van every day during the break. Starting this coming Sunday. That will be good.