Fell asleep last night with my starlink still on, and my batteries died in the middle of the night. I woke up when it happened and cut the inverter off (it’s not on the low-voltage-disconnect). I heard night birds singing, and some large animal moving around and making noise. Wolf or bear, I’m guessing.
Slept like shit.
This morning I work up and packed up the van, then plugged the Jackery into the dash cig lighter to charge it on the alternator, and plugged the battery charger into the jackery to charge the house batteries. it was a jerry-rigged batt-to-batt charger. Cute idea, but the house batteries were sucking down like 250W, while the jackery only charges at like 75W. So they sucked it dry. Still, that plus the morning solar (I had to pick an east-west road) was enough to get me to work by like 8:30.
Ended up moving around town a few times. Got lunch at the Wallow in Sunriver. It was my first day in town since coming down over the weekend. Got high Friday up in the mountains. It had been three or four days since I smoked, and I had been fucking miserable those days. Friday I let myself get high again, and it was a lovely respite from a brutal withdrawal.
Then came down sat and sun, and worked mon. All up in the mountains. Knew I had to stay up there till I was down. Today was Tues, and I would not have come down yet were it not for my dead batteries (I can use the Verizon hotspot in town. I’m also only a few days into a new med regimen. Well, new again. Buspar and Wellbutrin (with Ativan as needed). So that part is still weird too. And man, coming back down into town after several days up on the mountain, where I was treating myself gently, was a stark contrast. The people’s bullshit is tangible. Hard not to get baited. But possible.
Lots of female voices feeling bad for me. Have to shake them off. They don’t get to tell me how to feel about myself. Not going to feel bad about feeling bad. Feels like how Corvallis was for me. But don’t think twice, it’s alright.
Kept pushing and did way better than I often do on days like this. Took a lorazapam after getting settled here at my spot for the night. Overall, it was a good day, by the way I measure such things.
Oh yeah, and in my week-long psychotic break, I lost my little plant buddy, Frank 2, somewhere. I probably brought him out to get some sun and then just forgot and wandered off. I realized that last night and jolted awake in a panic. I feel terrible about that. Poor Frank 2.
