Yesterday was hard. Manged to play guitar, then half-assed my writing and workout. (“Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed.”) I was on campus late, and was proctoring exams all day, which is surprisingly stressful. All the nervous energy of a room full of people being tested without the outlet of being tested yourself.
Also, my real analysis test proved too difficult for a lot of my students, which is always disheartening. I want to see them understand and do well, and when they bomb my test, it makes me sad. The test was too long, but the material wasn’t too difficult. I gotta try to do a better job communicating this stuff. At the very least, I will lead that horse to water.
Today was much better, despite being in the classroom all day. I’ve noticed that larger classes significantly increase my anxiety when I’m teaching. I’ve got one larger class and two smaller ones, and the larger class is significantly more emotional work. But it’s getting better (and it’s already way better than it was), and I get to try again tomorrow.
I spent some money a few night ago on snow shoes and hiking poles. It was kind of a lot of money (like 300 bones), but I’m excited to go winter hiking in snow shoes. So, worth it.
I’ve been going back and forth on whether I should resolve to teach one more year, or go ahead and try to switch jobs now. If I could make 6 figures next year as a data scientist or some such, then it’s hard to justify not going that route. But if I wait one more year I won’t have to move as soon, I’ll have the whole Summer to work on the van here with more work assured on the horizon, and at the end of the next year I’ll be leaving the teaching profession with 6 months+ of living expenses saved up to start looking for a different job. It’s the more humane way (and gives me time to write). But I do get greedy for that “real-job” money. I could save so much and transition to writing for pay so easily if I made more and my job was less draining. And I hate the expectation of unpaid overtime. Though, to be fair, I typically show up at 9:30 and leave at 4:30. I play guitar down by the river almost every work-day morning. And having the Summers off is nice. Maybe it’s not so bad….
Bout out of shit to say. I’m excited for the weather turning cold. Been walking in the woods and listening to Opeth. It’s a lovely way to spend the Fall.