Been doing well the last few days. Smoked some flower last weekend, and it was generally bad. Lots of anxiety, and the compulsive reliving of past trauma. I’m not emotionally stable enough for weed, it seems. Took most of Monday off to cope with the fallout, and have been working late since to catch up.
I did get that tenure-track application in. Here’s to hoping. I really don’t want to be a full-time teacher. After job application season is done, I’m thinking I’ll spend work days, when I’m not at work or exercising, working on my math. Then I’ll spend Sundays working on the van. That means some domestic stuff has to happen on Saturdays. I dunno…that’s a lot. At least one day a week when I can stay in my robe all day is good too. Maybe Sunday is domestic and van.
If I got the 3 year lecturer appointment, that would have to be the last three years I spend teaching full time. If the family buys a piece of land I can live on, and if my debts were paid off (the van, and some money owed to family), then perhaps I could live on an adjunct’s salary.
I really don’t want to spend even another 3 years of my life as a full time teacher. It leaves so little time for everything else. And I’m becoming more aware that I don’t have an infinite number of years remaining.
Talked to a cute girl at the dojo, and got some looks. Gotta find the right time to ask her out.
edit: zero dollar day.