Zero dollar day.
Got a check from the uniform cleaning company that backed into my van. So I’ll take the van to the body-shop shortly.
Today was a hard day, mental-health wise. As often happens, I seemed to be very close to a very good day, but that tiny gap can make it the worst. Close enough to see it, but not able to get there. I was filling in for a colleague, teaching her calc 1 section, and a lovely young lady approached me afterward to ask if I taught other classes at the university, telling me that the lecture I’d just given was the first time math at this level had made sense to her. I was fucked up enough that this barely registered as gratifying to me, though I was gracious about her compliment. The cheap, repetitive bullshit in my head can turn gold into garbage, and robs me of happiness and affirmation.
At karate, I found myself too needy for approval. Looking to my teachers, looking the pictures of the old masters on the wall. “I have offered impulses toward perfection at every passing alter.” Something I have to note, acknowledge, and let go of.